My soul has always belonged to the moon and her stars — and the quiet populations of the world’s broken hearts. Upon gradient skies, you and I will each bleed tears but each time we must fight our fears just to hear the stories of longing — that yearning, the ache — one breath at a time, if only for our sake — we will see the light as it shines on grasses, asking: Once all comes and goes or passes will our life only bring us a sigh or a cry? Will we lay, searching, always, for signs? Pleading in vain, for ever more time? For more love that left us a mess? Evil, cruel, barren of gentleness? Unkind, brutal, stressful; and maybe rueful or too intense? Will we lay down and weep at the feet of our pains, ever asking for everything in vain? Please spiral along me, ask me in drops; give me proof we must rid our selves of these salts. But when the world and our life is no bark and all bite — when there is more left to live, left to love or o fight — without these drops in a melancholic sight, I start to question my mind. All these notions of being or staying better, of me still wanting of what can be normal, or “fine,” for what if I am alone and not simply apart but isolated? If uniquely I suffer here, if it is what I am meant for, a life truncated? Spare me your values, or worse, your pride, I could not truly live knowing this is it, all there is. Can't think 'right now' is the best and it’ll only get worse, because I am, by nature, an optimist who would much rather die first. Take it from me that I’d rather dream that we can live in a world and not run from ourselves or from trust; nor from those who we knew or believed. Here, we’d know how to love and find where lies truth — and we as well have the time to discern spending youth. Here, we'd take in the trees, grow and fall with the leaves and perhaps then we'll relish the peace of our breaking souls soothed.
Author’s note:
The form:
The shape of this piece was meant to emulate half an hourglass’s image and evoke the feeling of time. The shift in the piece starts as structured and deliberate in the top half of the hourglass but as one reads onwards, falling further down the hourglass, the sentences narrow and constrict and the message becomes more frantic. The run-on sentences start to drag and rush simultaneously like unfinished thoughts. This change towards rambling was not intentional but a simple result of my mental state as I worked to continue the idea of the piece I had sat down to complete (unsuccessfully until now I dare say) on several occasions. (Although, it became lengthier than I planned for and gave up at the end, so there’s that…)
The meaning:
Most of my poems start or are based on thoughts formed suddenly in my mind and this one is no exception. The terms '“My soul has always belonged to the moon and her stars / and the quiet populations of the world’s broken hearts” was a thought that occurred in passing but felt like a pleasant collection of words I decided to elaborate on, so I wrote them down in hopes of later capturing the beauty in more eloquent or rhythmic words. However, even though I started this piece fully sensing its poetic potential, I believe got so wrapped up in the moments of creation that the concept of its form was lost somewhere along the way and I cannot say how effective either aspect of this piece — the form or the message — was in communicating the idea I wanted. In all honesty, I’m not too sure what the message I wanted is either because towards the end I had somewhat returned to my efforts in conforming to the shape I had planned. What you have read is the result of the writer in me agonizing over this dilemma for the better part of a month until I was forced to accept that I was no longer able to come up with any more suitable improvements to the piece. I began to feel like if there was nothing more I could do for it now, and if I didn’t release it soon, then I’d likely never — which is unfortunately a rather common fate for my creative writing pursuits. So, given those options, here it is.
I hope it was worth it.
LAAP you genius!! i loved your poem, i loved the structure, and as always, i love your words. such a delight to read your work xx
It's beautiful ♥️, sad but beautiful.